Allergies & finances suck, seriously

After weed whacking the slope I had the worse hay fever/asthma attack, I could barely breathe.
This morning I did get up at 5 am and was outside before the sun was up, but my nose just would not stop dripping that watery snot that you desperaty try to stop with your sleeve as you're working, but it didnt stop, I finally stuck kneenex up my nostrils to try and stem the flow while I worked, but everytime I bent my head at all forward ( which I was doing alot since I was raking and picking up the cut grass) it still would soak thru and start dripping again, driving me insane. It was also getting harder to breathe. I finally gave up after about 30 minutes and came inside to make myself some breakfast and get some coffee, since caffine usually helps with my allergies, it didnt. I finally ended up with claritin in my system form the night before, a zyrtec I took before I walked outside and finally a benedryll severe sinus pill I took in absolue desperation because I couldnt breathe and my nose wouldnt stop. I ended up passing out in a very deep anti-histamine induced coma till 1 pm this afternoon.

so much for my plans of starting off the day early for a hard days work. ugh.

I seriously can't be a total farm girl. I'm allergic to anything with fur. I recently found out I'm severly allergic to horses, and most birds make my eyes burn so I assume chickens would too- altho I desperatly want some for eggs. Combine that with general allergies to cut grass, pollen, smog, cigarette smoke, dust, and pineapple juice and dammit, I wish I hadnt inheirited those genes or something. I keep reading about how kids kept in ultrasterile environments as kids have all these allergies- I guess I can attest to that. My mother swept, vaccumed, mopped and dusted every day. I was rarely allowed outside, and was mad to bathe twice a day ( start and end the day clean!) till my teens. Anyway my point is it makes my love of gardening difficult at best sometimes. I hate having to take 2 or 3 allergy meds to function in this house (which has 2 cats that belong to my brother in law) and years of dust.

Today I just wanted to plop down in my half weed whacked plot of hope and cry, seriously. Its like 3 feet out of level, I only see my husband for a couple of hours some evenings and on weekends, theres so much work to be done to even consider this piece of crap a garden and I can't do it all alone. I need my husband's truck to haul wood or soil, or compost, but its his work car, plus I can't cram 2 carseats in it. I barely know how to use a drillgun, but I am trying. I have a friend who offered to let me use her husband's bobcat tractor thingy (You rock Theresa!) but hello, again I need a way to haul it here and I cant be operating the thing and watch 2 little ones at the same time. I need my husband here to help, but I know we need every penny he can earn before they can him, whenever the hell they get around to it. I'm just frustrated and driving myself batty over it.

Doing all containers sounds mighty tempting, I can build a SWC by myself, fill it and plant it, I can figure that out well enough and fit the materials in a few trips to wal-mart with my car. And yet I can't get past the fact that I can't grow nearly as much in the SWCs without building like 75 of the damn things, and big plants like melons and winter squash might be a bit tricky.

To me the raised beds are a better investment. I can keep planting in them till they fall apart, I have them designed to use floating row cover or plastic to help protect from critters, insects and the hottest part of summer and coldest of our winters. I have trellises in there too- its almost 400 sq feet of planting space. I want my tomatos in SWCs for sure, those babies I'm willing to spoil, but I guess I love that 'big garden' feeling. In this huge house crammed with stressed unhappy people I want a space to call my own, work my ass off in and reap the rewards.

but the cost, UGHHHHH. I HATE spending money, especially right now. I've been pushing off bills to pay for this crap. I'm just seriously afraid if I half ass it and go the cheapest route possible I'll end up with so many headaches I'll regret not doing it as best as I could the first time.